Eight Difficult Deaths:

Peter Fall 1995

After a mild heart attack earlier in the year, Peter, nearly 70, was back in the saddle, attending a professional conference in a large city. As he was walking up to receive an award, he suddenly crumpled and collapsed. Someone began to do CPR while someone else called 911. Even though the crew was there within minutes, there was no response from Peter. He was pronounced dead and his remains evacuated to a hospital for an autopsy.

Peter was an old and very dear friend of mine. He had a special gift of integrity and warmth and tended to make welcome everyone he met, regardless of their social or economic pedigrees. He was especially sensitive to the needy and the homeless, using his professional status to generate awareness of social injustice and suffering. He taught me so much, just by being who he was. When I got word of his death I was saddened. I had no details about the circumstances, but I had known of his prior heart attack so I just assumed he hadn’t mended. My friend Harriet, who also cared about Peter, agreed to do a session of meditation with me with an eye to connecting with his spirit and sending whatever support we could.

We set up a time to share fifteen minutes (our homes are about forty minutes away, so we are not in each other’s presence when we do this) and I sat down on my zafu to begin. The very first thing I noticed was an incredibly beautiful corona of rays of light coming from a point about a foot in front of my heart. It was as if a greater heart than mine was working through me. 

There were two strong images - one, of Peter amid clouds raising a host streaming with light, robed as a priest, then one of his body on the floor, arched backwards awkwardly, a dark red cleft in his chest. I began to work with his body. I felt my hands guided, one under his occiput, one at his feet, then his sacrum. It seemed the energy began to pulse in a body-wide loop. Peter’s body became that of a young baby, held in my two hands. He seemed to glow and move as the energy expanded and throbbed. I found myself adjusting to and following his movement, holding him lightly but securely. We were bathed in white and golden light.

I was beginning to sense our time was over, feeling cold suddenly (the temperature seems to drop fifteen degrees when Harriet breaks the connection) when the phone rang. It was Harriet, and we shared our perceptions. She said “I saw him as an infant in the hands of God.”